The Storm Shall Cleanse You by master-of-shadow, literature
Literature
The Storm Shall Cleanse You
The thundering footsteps
Roll towards the room,
Soon the sky shall open
Pouring forth rain of doom.
Dark clouds gather
The storm shall soon begin,
Fists rain down from above
A bruise for every sin.
A black eye for ignorance
Just for looking at the ground,
A loose tooth for disrespect
For being unable to contain all sound.
The rain keeps falling
As the rivers swell
Trapping me beneath the waves
Drowning, unable to yell.
Lightning strikes before my eyes
As all light begins to fade,
Left in a cold darkness
Feeling guilty and betrayed.
The rain starts to soften
As my mind starts to close,
Still feel but barely notice
The pu
Telling me I'm worthless
And that no-one does care
Say I deserve everything,
That life is more than fair.
Convince me to do things,
That scare me deep within
Telling me that in the game of life,
There is no chance I could win.
"you'd be better off dead",
"they all hate you deep inside"
"they think you are worthless,
And wish that you had died"
Try to ignore them
Make them go away,
But it is a futile trial
For they are here to stay.
But the more I ignore them
The stronger they become.
Until I can feel nothing
Inside become so numb.
Live fighting against them
Trying not to let them win.
The war forever rages
The battles d
The bi-polar curse by master-of-shadow, literature
Literature
The bi-polar curse
Between happy and sad
There's a very fine line
Which you have to be upon
In order to feel fine.
If you drop down below
Pain is all you'll feel
Suffer in darkness
Not knowing what's real,
But if you rise too high
Things barely improve
As from suicidal darkness
To manic confusion you move.
Like a yo-yo you cross the line
Up and down without prediction
Almost like instability
Becomes you're addiction.
Never knowing what's to come
Where on the scale you shall lie
Or when it will overpower you
When you shall come to die.
Like a yo-yo though highs and lows
Fearing the worse
And crossing the line,
Welcome to the bi-polar curs
Tired of fighting
Don't know what to do
Can't make things better
Don't know how to get through.
Watching those around me
Struggling in all I create.
Feel empty deep inside
For me it is too late.
Don't want to cause more pain for them
But not knowing how to make it right
Too many disasters, happening all the time
Cannot cope anymore, too tired to fight.
Will be better for them if I am not involved
So I cannot cause any more strife,
To cause pain and misery
Seems to be my role in life,
I try to help, try to be there
But efforts prove futile
Feel like in a marathon
More problems with every mile.
Family descended to chaos
Fat
A world all of your own,
Where nothing can harm you
A world of your own creation
Your own reality.
A world within your mind,
No-one can reach you there,
A world to live your life within
A new reality.
A world to escape to,
A place to hide within
A world of your wildest dreams,
Perfect reality.
When the world gets too much
Escape to your own world
Where you can be happy and free,
A new reality.
For as long as I can remember,
You have always been there,
Not as a father figure,
A man who would always care,
But as a fearful overload,
Causing pain to those around,
And we could never told a sole,
Could never make a sound,
You caused so many problems,
Hurt us in so many ways,
Yet no one ever noticed,
They all ignored our pleas,
I used to think it normal,
To be beaten every day,
I used to think I was strange,
To want you to be kept at bay,
Thought that it happened to everyone,
That all fathers acted like you,
Beat their family for all mistakes,
Bruise them black and blue,
We were forever trapped here,
Within this eter
A heavy mist lay close to the ground,
lapping at our ankles,
pooling around the cold stone markers,
Momentarily melting away to reveal the winding path,
Before closing in once more,
The milky light of the waning moon,
Gently lit our way,
The narrow path,
Though the dead and rotting weeds,
Past the brushes with thorns like knifes,
Cutting into our skin,
Causing blood to run down our frozen flesh,
And pool on the frost covered ground,
A musty smell hung in the air,
Clogging up our lungs,
Making the air heavy to breath,
Suffocating us,
Freezing our very core,
But we pushed onwards,
Creeping ever closer,
To our final goal,
T
self-harm is for attention? by master-of-shadow, literature
Literature
self-harm is for attention?
If self harm is for attention,
then why the scars we conceal,
why feel the guilt with every cut,
why know that within you will never truly heal,
if merely for attention,
the scars would be for all to see,
you'd want all to know what you do,
not be hating what you know you'll always be,
you'd cut and burn in front of others,
not forever behind closed doors,
feel accepted by all around,
not as if you're breaking some social law,
"self harm is for attention",
the words of an ignorant fool,
who think that we crave sympathy,
thing that having scars makes us feel "cool",
they don't think about what they are saying,
look for the log
Speak not to me of hope and light,
For both these are gone,
Speak not of love and safety,
And all that they can bring,
For I am not un-versed in such things,
I know of the joy they can convey,
But also of the pain,
The emptiness their absence endures,
How fragile their existence is,
Say not that things will get better,
For we both know that is untrue,
These lies like flaming arrows,
Burn holes within my soul,
Tell me not of the future,
And all that it may bring,
All the happiness and the joy,
The light, hope and relief,
My thoughts cannot go there,
Such things I cannot comprehend,
The dark mist is thickening,
You can see i
A heavy mist lay close to the ground,
lapping at our ankles,
pooling around the cold stone markers,
Momentarily melting away to reveal the winding path,
Before closing in once more,
The milky light of the waning moon,
Gently lit our way,
The narrow path,
Though the dead and rotting weeds,
Past the brushes with thorns like knifes,
Cutting into our skin,
Causing blood to run down our frozen flesh,
And pool on the frost covered ground,
A musty smell hung in the air,
Clogging up our lungs,
Making the air heavy to breath,
Suffocating us,
Freezing our very core,
But we pushed onwards,
Creeping ever closer,
To our final goal,
T
For as long as I can remember,
You have always been there,
Not as a father figure,
A man who would always care,
But as a fearful overload,
Causing pain to those around,
And we could never told a sole,
Could never make a sound,
You caused so many problems,
Hurt us in so many ways,
Yet no one ever noticed,
They all ignored our pleas,
I used to think it normal,
To be beaten every day,
I used to think I was strange,
To want you to be kept at bay,
Thought that it happened to everyone,
That all fathers acted like you,
Beat their family for all mistakes,
Bruise them black and blue,
We were forever trapped here,
Within this eter
A world all of your own,
Where nothing can harm you
A world of your own creation
Your own reality.
A world within your mind,
No-one can reach you there,
A world to live your life within
A new reality.
A world to escape to,
A place to hide within
A world of your wildest dreams,
Perfect reality.
When the world gets too much
Escape to your own world
Where you can be happy and free,
A new reality.
Tired of fighting
Don't know what to do
Can't make things better
Don't know how to get through.
Watching those around me
Struggling in all I create.
Feel empty deep inside
For me it is too late.
Don't want to cause more pain for them
But not knowing how to make it right
Too many disasters, happening all the time
Cannot cope anymore, too tired to fight.
Will be better for them if I am not involved
So I cannot cause any more strife,
To cause pain and misery
Seems to be my role in life,
I try to help, try to be there
But efforts prove futile
Feel like in a marathon
More problems with every mile.
Family descended to chaos
Fat
The bi-polar curse by master-of-shadow, literature
Literature
The bi-polar curse
Between happy and sad
There's a very fine line
Which you have to be upon
In order to feel fine.
If you drop down below
Pain is all you'll feel
Suffer in darkness
Not knowing what's real,
But if you rise too high
Things barely improve
As from suicidal darkness
To manic confusion you move.
Like a yo-yo you cross the line
Up and down without prediction
Almost like instability
Becomes you're addiction.
Never knowing what's to come
Where on the scale you shall lie
Or when it will overpower you
When you shall come to die.
Like a yo-yo though highs and lows
Fearing the worse
And crossing the line,
Welcome to the bi-polar curs
Telling me I'm worthless
And that no-one does care
Say I deserve everything,
That life is more than fair.
Convince me to do things,
That scare me deep within
Telling me that in the game of life,
There is no chance I could win.
"you'd be better off dead",
"they all hate you deep inside"
"they think you are worthless,
And wish that you had died"
Try to ignore them
Make them go away,
But it is a futile trial
For they are here to stay.
But the more I ignore them
The stronger they become.
Until I can feel nothing
Inside become so numb.
Live fighting against them
Trying not to let them win.
The war forever rages
The battles d
In imaginations, wishes that might come true,
the idea of invisibility sounds magical,
but in reality, is it as sweet as it may be?
The truth is
You do not know whether you wish yourself to be alive or dead,
because, because, there does not seem to be any point of you living.
Death will mean there is no hope to change this fact that you desperately hate,
but living will mean you will be dealing with the fallen hope everyday.
Nerves, emotions are stable to be forever grey,
and bitter,
except when the tiny hope of someone caring,
rises up and come crushing down on you again,
leaving a deep, fresh scar that does not seem to heal.
Yo
Tired of fighting
Don't know what to do
Can't make things better
Don't know how to get through.
Watching those around me
Struggling in all I create.
Feel empty deep inside
For me it is too late.
Don't want to cause more pain for them
But not knowing how to make it right
Too many disasters, happening all the time
Cannot cope anymore, too tired to fight.
Will be better for them if I am not involved
So I cannot cause any more strife,
To cause pain and misery
Seems to be my role in life,
I try to help, try to be there
But efforts prove futile
Feel like in a marathon
More problems with every mile.
Family descended to chaos
Fat
I;d basically forgotten about this site!
well just over a year ago I went away for a bit, to sort myself out. But somehow people got the idea I was dead :/ I mean real life people not internet people here too... Yes I ODed and ended up in hospital, and yes I when I left hospital I didn't really tell anyone where I was going before going away... but I literally didn't think anyone would care... and those who would care I thought would be better off without me anyway...
But ye... I got back a few months later to find everyone thought I was dead...
Since then things have been ok. I'm now married! Ye, me married!!! didn't see that one coming l
well... i landed myself in hospital in september... and then since then my father died, guess who wasn't even mentioned in his will... once again he found a way to exclude me from "his" family... my mother has got worse, but at least she's getting help now... erm, what else... I'm trying to stop my more self-destructive habbits (less said about those the better)...
I'm not doinf great at the moment... yesterday I sat 2 miles from town for over an hour with a gun, but couldn't do it... I'm a bit scared of myself at the moment...
On Monday I may be going into hospital :(
not sure how long for, may just be there for the day, but it is likely that I will be admitted. If I am admitted I will be there until Wednesday at the very least (72hours is the minimum in these cases)
I think it is probably best I don't explain why I'll be going in... basicly my new meds are seriously not working and the hallucinations/delusions/voices/ect. are getting worse. I think it's best I go now (well... Monday) rather than leaving it to get worse and possibly to the point where I can no longer tell which things are real and which not. So... now you all think I am totally insane (which I'm
Just discovered this page, from seeing the "Voices" poem in a "more like this", and noticing that the latest post is 2009, when people thought you'd been dead. I've also had long stretches of not being active here, and on other websites. And seeemed off enough for people to worry. Even though I don't know you, I basically hope you are still not dead. Hope that doesn't sound too weird, if you do ever see it.
You are truly an amazing Being...and you deserve to know that you are loved...
please don't ask why I'm typing this....you haven't been here in so long, I wonder if you'll ever see it...but I will pray for you, and I hope that you are still alive...for suicide cannot set you free